ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
