When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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