So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
