Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
