she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
