and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i will never coherently bang her
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
So gin and wine won't be happening again
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Randomize
