Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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