She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
