She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Someone signed my nipple.
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