i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
