I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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