Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
