yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
