she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Randomize
