Kiss
Puke
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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