i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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