Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
