I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
