I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
You can't motorboat a personality
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
