we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I will pee on everything he values.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
