Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
