You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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