My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
