Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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