Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
