Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
