She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
