Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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