Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
