I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
