guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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