my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
