ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
