I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
