I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
