if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
