all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
