that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
