Need sex. Gaining weight.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
