your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
