We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
