he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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