If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
