youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
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