My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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