It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
