I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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