i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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