I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize
