Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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