why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
